I saw this image on my Facebook newsfeed this morning and it is perfect for this post.
When I went to collect my mail this morning, I found correspondence from Time Warner. For some reason, instead of sending it straight to the trash, I decided to open and find out what it was all about. As you can see below, it set me off!
Robert D. Marcus
Chief Executive Officer
Time Warner Cable
60 Columbus Circle
New York, New York 10023
United States of America
I was born under the sign of Cancer, and as you may, or may not, know, crabs are pretty peaceful until you fuck with them. You have just fucked with the wrong customer and now I am pinching back!
Here are the issues that have aroused my anger today:
Correspondence from Marisol Martinez, Marketing Vice President, Time Warner
1. I do not believe in cutting down trees for frivolous reasons like soliciting more business from already loyal customers. I was able to trace my current account back to 2008, but I believe I was a customer in Florida – 1993-2007 – as well, and before that 1987-1882 in California.
2. I do not appreciate being profiled and receiving correspondence in Spanish. The last time I checked English was the national language of the United States of America. If Ms. Martinez wants to conduct business in Spanish, she can go back to whatever country from where she originated. Additionally, because I do speak Spanish, I am able to identify incorrect grammar: “jobten” is not a Spanish word.
3. Had Ms. Martinez been more professional, she would have included a return address, phone and/or email. One phone call to her would have resolved my issues, but instead I have had to make three phone calls, which only increased my blood pressure and anger level.
Inefficient Communication Tools
1. Let me remind you that there are still many people that can’t find work – me being one of them – contributing to my dislike of talking to a computer.
2. Despite entering my phone number via the automated system, I have to repeat myself when the representative answers – four times out of five phone calls – and despite that tact that my phone call was not regarding my account!
Here is a transcript of my phone communications this morning, beginning at 10:22 AM and ending at 10:34 am:
Call 1: Disconnected due to lack of participation with automated phone system. Sorry! I prefer speaking to real people.
Call 2: Disconnected during Leslie’s transfer of my call to Customer Service
Call 3: Tia? transferred me to Customer Service where Rey was able to obtain partial information of the information I was seeking
Now for my suggestions on improving your business:
1. If you are going to continue using an automated system, have one that is reliable enough to maintain any information that is entered so fussy customers like myself don’t have to repeat ourselves. My website hosting company – hell yes, I am going to post this for the world to see – uses a system that recognizes the phone number as an existing customer, bypassing redundant verification methods.
2. If a customer’s call does not concern their account, have intelligent enough representatives – unlike Tia – to recognize that account verification is rhetorical.
3. Do not presume people with Spanish surnames want to conduct business in Spanish
4. Remove me from all mailings from you company!
Consider yourself lucky enough to have employees like Jason, who was able to listen, empathize, and who changed my mood from extreme dislike to one where I could even chuckle. In my humble opinion, Jason deserves YOUR JOB because he has the presence of mind to have agreed with my complaints, leaving me feel that if he was in charge, things might improve. At the very least he deserves a raise for changing my mood and retaining my business.
Enclosed I am returning your offensive correspondence.
Finally, please not my new mailing address below, as well as my new phone number and update my account accordingly.