Today was my cousin’s wedding.
I had an 8:00 am appointment to get my hair cut, which was cancelled on the spot and I had to walk about a mile home because mom got the message off the machine later rather than earlier. Just as well, I had planned to resume an exercise regiment in August – I got exactly what I had planned.
The relationship with this cousin was estranged for many years due to minimal contact with that part of the family. The last time I saw a picture of him, I hated her for being so damn cute. Fastforward to 2007, the year I returned from Florida…a failure. I am introduced to this cousin – who also happens to be on the same team – and he is living my wildest dream. I play nice, knowing it’s not him, it’s me! 😀
Today was my cousin’s wedding.
I had RSVP’d that I would attending, gifting him Mirror In The Bathroom Afghan. I finished an xmas gift, before I had to leave now that I think about it. Remember this. My mood was guarded as insecurity set in. I took a knitting project to the wedding. I am not asking if this was a social faux pas; I am telling you that it is my meditation, because I can get so nasty at times. As I entered, a young man that made me feel half my age, a feeling I have not had in a very long time, and which I have learned to explore slowly for full gratification. Anyway, HE approached me, inquiring about my knitting project. I’m sorry, if that’s not knitting-god-intervention, I don’t know what is. I got the details(?) from his date – an acquaintance of mine, a friend of my cousin’s.
I HAD AN ORANGE COLORED SKY DAY! And I just played the song and sang it out loud.
Back to the story…you know I scoped out which table he was at…as announcements were being made and we were waiting to dine on some delectable food – I think it may have been Ritz Catering, as I viewed a van around the corner when I went out tricking for a cigarette. 😀 Anyway, I was right by the speakers and the din of conversation was just reverberating in the room; I needed some piece and quiet, and truth be know a little cooling off. I went out to the lobby and here he comes, sits right down next to me and we start chatting again. Because I am blood thinners, after three beers, I had caught a buzz and was feeling good. I saw him outside and went to go talk to him after dancing a bit with family and friends. Another trio joined us, one of which had the hots for another wedding guest. Being in sync with her, I made the comment that I was hoping to find a husband at this affair, to which – I am not 100% sure – he raised his hand.
Joking with my family, I told them what I had learned, most importantly, that he was on the other team. Everyone of them confirmed that he was on the same team as me. They all have better gaydar than I, and this buoyed my spirits. Later I danced with him! I got a firm hug upon departure. Oh wait! BONUS! Mom invited him to Michael’s going away party in two weeks!
Already I fanning the embers in my heart to gather enough confidence and just ask him straight out, and relay my attraction, and asking for a date.
My self esteem can be as low as I think it is if my heart can still be stirred up like that, right? The last time I felt this good, was the night I met Charlie. Charlie and I were together eleven on-again, off-again years.
Bottom line: lots of good feelings being felt
I got sidetracked at Orange Colored Sky…my mood improved so much that by the end of the day, I was sincerely happy for Brad & Michael. Meeting a certain someone literally changed me.
Back off track again…I want to be good and do the right thing and exercise and be nice and compassionate and have hope and good will to all.
What the fuck is going on?